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Chapter 13 in 13 Chapters
[by William J. McLeod] is the essential reference guide that chapter 13 attorneys should have at their fingertips to assist in their practice and to share with clients to help explain the bankruptcy process.
American Bankruptcy Institute
Rocking On & Moving On: My Take
I’ve been listening to The Moth for several months and recently listened to an episode that I thought my readers could identify with, so I shared it. And as promised, I am sharing my thoughts.
When one is facing bankruptcy – for whatever reason – it’s like facing a financial black hole. It’s dark. It can feel cold and creepy. You feel like it’s sucking you in and you’re not sure what’s going to end up eating you on the other side. And those feelings end up leaving many folks completely and utterly paralyzed with fear. Perhaps paralyzed is not a good word. Perhaps wallowing with fear is a better description.
Bankruptcy itself is not a bad process. It’s not fun, but it’s not like having a root canal or a biopsy. For most. So long as you follow the advice and counsel of your bankruptcy lawyer and are completely honest with your bankruptcy lawyer, you should have no surprises. But getting to that point where you know you need to file, and you’re ready to move forward with the filing – I find that that is the most difficult step for most of my clients.
When I listened to Dan Kennedy speak about his experiences approaching Milton at a party, I thought of folks I speak with from time to time. They tell me they want to file and I know – based on their back-story – that barring any windfall from Powerball they eventually will need to file. Sometimes we chat on line. Sometimes we chat on the phone. And sometimes, like Dan and Milton, I run into them at parties. Believe me: if you are serious about getting your financial life back on track, picking my brain over cocktails does not suggest that you’re all that serious. So what is it that holds people back from moving forward?
Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of facing failure. That really uncomfortable feeling you get when you’re staying with the devil you know, because it’s easier than facing the devil you don’t. The fear of saying “no” because you’re not sure what’s going to happen so instead you find it safer to say “yes.” Or vice-versa. But that fear can fester, and it can paralyze and it can leave you wallowing. And wallowing = not good.
When I describe a bankruptcy case I tend to describe it like a death. In a way, it is a death – since a bankruptcy “estate” is created when you file. It is sort of like your financial death. So I think that when facing death, it’s really ok to let your emotions flow.
If you’re facing what you think is your own personal financial Armageddon and you see the hand writing on the wall, I think it’s totally fine to go to the bathroom and get a towel or a handkerchief. Find some music – something sad. Almost anything by Karen Carpenter can be considered sad nowadays, but there’s even more obscure songs.
On the ThirtySomething soundtrack, there are several. “Elyn’s Wedding” is a bit weepy, but it is sort of evocative of a wedding – hence the title. Karla Bonoff’s rendition of “The Water is Wide” is haunting, but not altogether sad – it actually might make a good wedding song and if you cry at weddings, it might help make those emotions move along. And there is “Second Look.” I really can’t talk about what that does to me. As a kid, I played piano. It’s a music piece I would have loved to learn to play, but am fairly confident it’s not something I would have been to do without letting the emotions flow. Perhaps to my mother’s dismay, rather loudly.
Facing bankruptcy is not fun, but you should not be afraid to let the emotions come. Sometimes you can do it with therapy. Other times, you can just play a sad song and have good cry. However you go about doing it, you have to move on – one way or another. Honestly, I can only help you get through that big black hole you think looks scary. I can’t cry for you. That first step is ultimately up to you.
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Tags: Bankruptcy, Bankruptcy Estate, Commentary
This entry was posted on Thursday, July 22nd, 2010 at 5:15 pm and is filed under Bankruptcy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 comment feed.
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