I was recently chatting with an old friend who was sharing with me her recent trials and tribulations. She is on unemployment – has been for a while - and trying to sell her house. Her house is not priced to sell – but priced in line with what other houses in her neighborhood are going for… and are also not selling. She has also made some regrettable financial and life decisions that have lead her to the place she now finds herself in. It’s not a judgment – it’s more of an observation. Some of what she’s experiencing was avoidable. Some of it – like the unemployment, wasn’t. She asked me for my advice.
As I started offering some suggestions (among them, dropping the price on the house), I could tell she was getting upset. She then took a deep breath and said “you know, I’m not like those people you represent. Those people in bankruptcy.”
There was this period of awkward silence – I don’t think it was particularly long – but it was long enough for me to think something more serious than “really, Blanche. Really?” but not as dramatic as “oh. my. gawd!”‘
“Those people,” I said – and I could feel my eyes widening.
Being good friends, we could tell that we both hit a nerve in each other and we silently retreated to our respective corners. I did not have it in me to say what I wanted to say then.
I do now.
Those people. If you’re unsure where my angst comes from just hearing those words used together, Google the term “those people” and you get a sense of how pejorative it is.
Those people – those facing losing their home and bankruptcy – are people who are just like my friend. They made decisions that at the time they thought were good, and even had the support of their friends (like me) when they made them. But then things happened. Industries change, companies close, and jobs are lost. What was once the hottest career to have in town is now obsolete. What was once the coolest neighborhood to live in is now seen as so very last decade.
Those people include those those who have gotten sick, or fallen ill. Except some did not have the better health plan, or others could not afford COBRA. Others had no insurance at all.
Those people include young couples who had great jobs and wanted to start a family, only to discover that their child had several chronic medical conditions that drained the resources – both financial and emotional.
Those people include parents who wanted to give the best for their kids. They wanted to send their kids to the best colleges – and make sure they faired better – so they risked the family home for investments that they should have stayed clear from. Their heart was in the right place. Their head was not.
Those people include older folks who have used credit cards for food and medicine, and the occasional trips to casinos that gave them what they thought was the only social life they really had.
So if I really wanted to be combative with my friend, I would have told her that “those people” are your friends, neighbors and former coworkers. They are the people you see at the market every day – all who say nothing about the trials and tribulations they find in their life but put on a brave face, smile and say “hello.” They are people who set out a course for their lives just like she did – but for one reason or another it did not quite turn out as good as it did for her. Those people are like us – all deserving a chance to make it in this world, and all deserving an honest chance at redemption just in case things don’t go quite the way they planned or hoped.
I guess I can see it from her point of view. Even though my friend is unemployed and has almost no job prospects, even though she thinks the economy will turn around soon, even though she does not carry enough (if any) health insurance and even though her house is on the market priced way to high and she needs to sell it in order to survive long term (“just you wait -this property will SELL in the spring!”), she’s not like many of my clients. She does not have creditors calling her day and night, she does not dread picking up her mail, she’s not being sued and she’s not facing the possibility of losing everything she has worked for. She’s not like “those people.”
Yet.
Related posts:
- What’s REALLY Pushing People Into Bankruptcy?
- Talking to your Kids
- Unintended Consequences in Estate Planning
- When the Nest is not Empty: Some Food for Thought for Parents Struggling with Debt
- Kids Aren’t Stupid (Really)
Tags: Commentary, debt, Economy, Homes
This entry was posted
on Monday, February 1st, 2010 at 8:18 am and is filed under Bankruptcy, Foreclosures and Real Estate.
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Those People
I was recently chatting with an old friend who was sharing with me her recent trials and tribulations. She is on unemployment – has been for a while - and trying to sell her house. Her house is not priced to sell – but priced in line with what other houses in her neighborhood are going for… and are also not selling. She has also made some regrettable financial and life decisions that have lead her to the place she now finds herself in. It’s not a judgment – it’s more of an observation. Some of what she’s experiencing was avoidable. Some of it – like the unemployment, wasn’t. She asked me for my advice.
As I started offering some suggestions (among them, dropping the price on the house), I could tell she was getting upset. She then took a deep breath and said “you know, I’m not like those people you represent. Those people in bankruptcy.”
There was this period of awkward silence – I don’t think it was particularly long – but it was long enough for me to think something more serious than “really, Blanche. Really?” but not as dramatic as “oh. my. gawd!”‘
“Those people,” I said – and I could feel my eyes widening.
Being good friends, we could tell that we both hit a nerve in each other and we silently retreated to our respective corners. I did not have it in me to say what I wanted to say then.
I do now.
Those people. If you’re unsure where my angst comes from just hearing those words used together, Google the term “those people” and you get a sense of how pejorative it is.
Those people – those facing losing their home and bankruptcy – are people who are just like my friend. They made decisions that at the time they thought were good, and even had the support of their friends (like me) when they made them. But then things happened. Industries change, companies close, and jobs are lost. What was once the hottest career to have in town is now obsolete. What was once the coolest neighborhood to live in is now seen as so very last decade.
Those people include those those who have gotten sick, or fallen ill. Except some did not have the better health plan, or others could not afford COBRA. Others had no insurance at all.
Those people include young couples who had great jobs and wanted to start a family, only to discover that their child had several chronic medical conditions that drained the resources – both financial and emotional.
Those people include parents who wanted to give the best for their kids. They wanted to send their kids to the best colleges – and make sure they faired better – so they risked the family home for investments that they should have stayed clear from. Their heart was in the right place. Their head was not.
Those people include older folks who have used credit cards for food and medicine, and the occasional trips to casinos that gave them what they thought was the only social life they really had.
So if I really wanted to be combative with my friend, I would have told her that “those people” are your friends, neighbors and former coworkers. They are the people you see at the market every day – all who say nothing about the trials and tribulations they find in their life but put on a brave face, smile and say “hello.” They are people who set out a course for their lives just like she did – but for one reason or another it did not quite turn out as good as it did for her. Those people are like us – all deserving a chance to make it in this world, and all deserving an honest chance at redemption just in case things don’t go quite the way they planned or hoped.
I guess I can see it from her point of view. Even though my friend is unemployed and has almost no job prospects, even though she thinks the economy will turn around soon, even though she does not carry enough (if any) health insurance and even though her house is on the market priced way to high and she needs to sell it in order to survive long term (“just you wait -this property will SELL in the spring!”), she’s not like many of my clients. She does not have creditors calling her day and night, she does not dread picking up her mail, she’s not being sued and she’s not facing the possibility of losing everything she has worked for. She’s not like “those people.”
Yet.
Related posts:
Tags: Commentary, debt, Economy, Homes
This entry was posted on Monday, February 1st, 2010 at 8:18 am and is filed under Bankruptcy, Foreclosures and Real Estate. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 comment feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.