It seems that many people are hypersensitive over H1N1. I was at the market yesterday and an older man sneezed, and by the looks on the faces of those standing around him, you’d have thought someone nearby was pointing and shrieking that he was a leper. Just because someone is sneezing or coughing doesn’t mean they have the swine flu. Just because someone is in bankruptcy or needs bankruptcy protection doesn’t mean they are dishonest. And just because someone feels like they did something dishonest does not mean that they don’t deserve bankruptcy protection. In other words, feeling dishonest is not the same as being dishonest.
There are many reasons why one finds themselves deep in debt: medical issues, divorce, a lost job, or one too many bad decisions. But one reality exists always for all: a bankruptcy debtor cannot live up to the promises that were originally made, and that fact forces them to seek help. Not being able to live up to those promises is difficult for many people – especially those with a basic sense of right and wrong.
You would never think of going into a restaurant, ordering an expensive meal, and then leaving without paying the bill. It is unlawful. It’s also dishonest. You sit at the table with the expectation that you will pay for what you order and receive. When you leave without paying, you’ve broken a promise. Of course, the person who dines and leaves without paying is not the same sort as the person who dines and then discovers that they don’t have their wallet.
When you borrow money, you do so with the expectation that it is going to be paid back – and when you don’t pay it back, regardless of the reason, you are not living up to the promises you originally made. Sometimes, it’s an honest mistake. Sometimes, it’s not.
When honest people make promises, they do so with certain expectations in mind. A business person who takes a loan may have expectations about how business will flourish in the months and years ahead. A homeowner seeking to refinance may have no idea when shortly after they take their loan they may be out of a job and unable to make the payments. A person who has been using credit cards to carry them while collecting unemployment benefits may have hoped to get a better paying job, but the passage of time is forcing those hopes to fade, and the debt to mount. And for many people, when they cannot live up to the promises they made, there is a feeling that they have been dishonest and do not deserve help or relief.
It’s important to be fair here, debtors often make decisions that are regrettable. At the same time let’s be really fair: who doesn’t? Hindsight is always 20/20. When an individual sits before me contemplating the need to seek bankruptcy relief, they are often overwhelmed with thoughts of “if I had only known…” or “if I had done this differently…” Those realizations do not reflect a level of dishonesty. If anything, they reflect a realization that they are not living up to the expectations that they once represented that they would, which also means that they have some honest personal exploration into how they got into the mess they find themselves in.
Many times I’m asked: “Am I going to go to jail for this?” Virtually always, the answer is the same: no. I think the question is fueled by a person’s sense of right and wrong and that by turning their back on their promises, they are doing something wrong. I really cannot really think of a time when I was asked that question by a person who faced the possibility of being charged with a crime.
Compare that to the dishonest people I’ve written about here – including yesterday’s entry. When called out on their dishonesty, it’s met with righteous indignation. Remember the response to my calling out a debtor who was being less than candid with me: “How dare you!”
It would appear that those who are dishonest seemingly feel no sense of dishonesty at all, even though they reek of it. It seems that the dishonest among us feel more entitled than they feel guilty of breaking their promises and not living up to their obligations.
For honest people, life doesn’t always go the way we plan or hope. Our society doesn’t keep honest people shackled in debt they can never repay simply because they did not have a clear enough crystal ball when they undertook the obligation…except of course, the educated with student loan debt, but that’s another entry or two altogether. So long as the people seeking bankruptcy relief do so in earnest, they have nothing to fear.
What does that mean? It means accepting that your choices were regrettable at best, and just plain bad at worst. It means that making honest mistakes doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not entitled to start over with a clean slate and a fresh start. It means full disclosure and unqualified honesty in those disclosures, and throughout the bankruptcy process. It means realizing that even though you may feel dishonest because you are breaking a promise, that alone does not make you dishonest and undeserving of the relief our laws provide. All of this is the best way you can reclaim responsibility for the obligations that you feel powerless to handle any other way.
Related posts:
- Honesty and Bankruptcy, Part I: Day of the Living Dishonest
- Honesty and Bankruptcy, Part III: The Reality Check and the Boy Scout
- Social Networking Sites and Bankruptcy: The Intersection is Dead Ahead
- Honesty Goes A Long Way
- When You Discover that You Are a Creditor in a Bankruptcy Case…
Tags: Yep. We're in trouble.
